The Words I Never Said

“I didn’t know that time was of the essence.”

Do you have a person who you regret not telling those last words to? Maybe you drifted apart or they went to someplace very far. Do you regret not having told them those words that were hanging off the tip of your tongue?

I do know for sure that I deeply regret not telling her what I now so wished I had told her. But what did I know? I was only a kid with the sandbox in mind. I didn’t know that time wasn’t on anyone’s side until it was too late.

“I can’t take back the words I never said.”

I feel so much regret and it hurts. It hurts a lot. I spent time with her but if I knew that she wouldn’t be with me today, I would have not wasted time on sulking over nothing. You were the best part of my short life and without you in it, I feel empty inside. The moment you left, I built a wall around myself as a shield. I don’t want to let anyone if they are just going to leave like you did.

Sometimes I picture you somewhere back home, living a good life. I want to believe that you are still here and you are just hiding from me. I am a very difficult person to handle and I understand if you felt exhausted. I understand if you couldn’t take it anymore. But if you had just held on just a little longer, you would have had more reasons to be proud. I’m not the same person as I was back then. I understand more. I’ve grown.

I have so many questions to ask. I have so much to tell you. But most of all, I want to say goodbye.

It’s so loud in my head with the words that I should have said. So I still talk to you but I’m just talking to myself because I know that you can’t hear me anymore. Or can you? Maybe the wind carries my words to you? Can you hear me? You can hear me right? I will continue to talk to you because I know that you are listening from somewhere. Somewhere very far.

“I’m sorry for the words I said and I’m sorry for the words I never said.”